A few things (more than a few). 


I still play Candy Crush. Not because I like it, but I’m in too deep. I don’t go to zoos, my dog is perfect, and I just got bifocals. If I could sing, I’d be an incredible singer. I buy every Nancy Drew computer game that gets released. My 8th grade backpack graduated college. There are 7.6 billion people in this world; people forget that. I used to take fencing with my sister. Despite our gifted talent, we quit because the mask smell was indescribably rank. I was borderline gothic in 2nd grade. Remember printing out directions from MapQuest?


Drink more water. It’s good for you.